From Hawaiʻi to Japan

March 1, 2025: My dorm room - where my journey began over eight years ago.

I can still vividly remember the day I left for university. My family and I flew to Japan together, to help me settle in and get my sister ready for her second year. We'd vacationed in Japan before, but this time was undeniably different. Sitting at the airport gate, listening to the pre-boarding announcements, I tried really hard for the first time to focus on the Japanese portion.

I had taken Japanese since middle school and watched years worth of Japanese TV shows with my mom on the one Japanese channel in Hawaiʻi. I was by no means fluent, but I had always gotten good grades in my Japanese class so I had some confidence. But the moment I heard the Japanese announcement at the gate, all confidence evaporated. My head dropped into my hands as I thought, ‘I’m screwed.’ But there was no turning back now.

We made it safely to Beppu and the next day we went up to campus to check into my dorm room. We went up to the fifth floor and all the way down the hall to my room where I would spend the next year. I opened the door and immediately to my left was a small sink and mirror, then the toilet and then a small bed which at first glance didn’t even pass as a bed. It was made out of the same material as the desk, which was two steps to the right, and had just a thin futon and blanket folded up at the foot.

It felt cold and lifeless, kind of like what I imagined a Swedish prison cell felt like. But at least I had my own toilet and I didn’t have to share a room with anyone. We spent the next couple days going down into the town and shopping for the essentials at Nitori, the Japanese version of Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Then came the opening ceremony which brought about the reality that besides my sister, I knew no one and had no friends. There were very few students from Hawaiʻi, not even enough to count on one hand, and we seemed determined to avoid each other. It was like we all came to Japan to get as far away from other Hawaiʻi people as possible. In an auditorium full of people I somehow felt completely alone.

And then the time for my parents to go back home had come. I still remember standing at the bus stop waving goodbye to them as they departed for the airport. My chest felt heavy and I smiled to show them that I’d be okay, but I was holding back tears. Luckily I had my sister with me and we went to a cafe before I headed back up to my dorm room. I had everything all set up so it felt slightly more cozy than when I first arrived, but it was still a very lonely space. I woke up in the middle of the night, jolted upright and cried. I knew that it would be the hardest year of my life to come and that feeling is one I will never forget.

I have never been much of a risk taker and I still don’t fully understand what made me choose to go to college in Japan, but I had already made my choice and I was determined to see it through.